The Upward Swing of Vibration

to gain an understanding for this blog, please start at the first entry January 19th 2011

It has been less than a month since I’ve posted and I see this circle of experience took almost one month and a half.

I want to be clear what I write is a blog that captures this journey in chunks. I don’t write a daily hurt blog or confusion blog or let you know where I am emotionally blog until the cycle of experience has made full circle and I am back to feeling fulfilled, vital and buoyant. I do this because what I want is to feel good and if I am focusing on what does not ‘feel good’ I pinch off my opportunity to get to where I want to be.

I do my best to focus on what I want even if it seems what I don’t want is winning. ‘What Is’: Disease, lack of, should have, they have, I don’t and I am not, I never will be, you’re fault, you should, they should, they shouldn’t, broke, (under lack)… you get me?

Whenever I am stuck in a perspective that does not serve me I zip it on the blog because I hold myself back from playing out this experience moving toward the place I want to be; content, fulfilled, mindful, allowing, joyful, meditative, prosperous, satisfied, knowing, connected, passionate, FULL OF APPRECIATION!

When I focus on ‘what is’ and the ‘what is’ is not what I desire, I normally clam up in my bedroom cave. I don’t participate much in my own life, art feels lackluster, friends feel bothersome, my art community becomes a hassle and making phone calls almost feels painful. I do the minimal at work and practice fake it till you make it with out believing I ever will. I don’t want to be like this and I feel stuck and out of sorts. So I shut.
Kinda like mum used to say: “Let’s not say anything unless we have something nice to say”. And so I truly know if I get to going about ‘poor me’ on a subject matter I think is causing all this ‘dis’ comfort; I shall fill a few earfuls with all my analyzing the why and wherefore, I shall tell you this comes from the time I was abandoned or in 2nd grade when I felt belittled for never being picked but last for kickball (true story teehehehe) Oh don’t think I didn’t talk a little of this stuff here and there I did, but when I found myself doing it I backed out of the conversation and returned to the cave with the utmost desire for my well being to return.

I could tell you at this point the ‘reason’ I caved, but really it boils down to not enough ‘ness’ in any of the categories . It’s the pushing against people, places and governments! ha!… Of course all my stuff that pops up and reoccurs like a bad movie, (most recently ‘bad teacher’ omg yikes what happened Cameron Diaz?) comes from my ‘history’ my ‘past’, however through this work in the law of attraction I’ve even seen my history change. I shall save that subject for another day.

I remember a story in the teachings of Abraham I like very much. Ester who is the person accessing her eternal nature she calls (her collective consciousness) Abraham, told the group I was sitting in that the reason she no longer has many of those extreme highs in understanding nor epiphany’s and enlightened moments that felt so utterly thrilling was like the time she desired and received her Monster Bus back in the day when they were first able to to buy one. You know the busse’s the Rock Stars drive? She had dreamed and felt this bus into being and had such delightful anticipation when they first got the bus. She remembered how fear and delight were a heady mix as she got behind the wheel and started it up. She felt thrilled and was at the same time gingerly wondering if she could actually drive this thing all over the country and not get her and Jerry in some deep do do. Well months later she never thought twice of taking a turn that in the beginning was something she was so completely focused on, she just drove that bus as if it were a part of her. She always felt good as the miles flew by and then one day a question from someone in the audience brought up the fact that he missed feeling this high about the information on this law of attraction. He missed the huge demonstrations of his own well being. And so Abraham told this story and I too am telling you because this is what is happening to me; For many years I have been falling and by some miracle have gotten up and shared my success. I just shared a story here in my blog recently of falling on my ass and getting up and feeling such wonder, bliss and deep understanding. The degree of what I thought I had come to understand was profound to me.
This last experience has proved a bit different in finding myself back in the saddle. I was at a stop light and became aware of how I was feeling. I felt good, I thought back and realized I had been feeling good for several days now. I smiled and realized that there was no big band welcoming me back to me. I laughed as I had just listened to the story of the bus on one of my Abraham CD’s and began to understand what that story meant to me. All that was a seeming struggle in the last month and a half was totally gone. I felt that what was behind me was behind me and ‘that was that’. I thought about you, my friends here at this blog and what was I going to say?

I knew then that I was always connected to me. Being in the ‘vortex’ as Abraham puts it is not such an effort as I thought it was. Well, I did work this last month or so at allowing all this stuff to accumulate and dissolve, without too much worry. I said little to others about what seemed ‘wrong or disturbing’. I was not hiding anything, I was transforming my world at large in the only way I knew how, to continue to find a thought that felt better than the one I was thinking or just turn my attention to something else and for me I dove into my movie cave or dreaming away the day in sleep.

I have to say I never doubted I would come around again, I ‘knew’ I would and part of what I would say to me in finding a better feeling thought was: Lina, you been here and you been though this stuff, don’t worry you will come round.” Looking back I feel like I had really never been very far at all from this part of me that is so dominant, the 99.99999999 part of me that listens to my desires and then becomes all that I desire. That part of me that will never let me down and beckons me to join in and become too what I have asked for. That me that is the essence of thought even before thought is thought. Teehhehehe ok… I’ll stop here.

As I write you I admit I am a bit thrilled; seems like tears are coming too. Tears feel like love as is writing you, from all that is my heart.



About linaji

I am having a good time with life now that I pay attention to how I feel. If I don't feel so good I look to what I am thinking and from there I change everything.
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10 Responses to The Upward Swing of Vibration

  1. Lisa says:

    Oh My Love,
    it is so lovely to sit back and read you, to experience Lina life… melt a the hard away with your honest reflections and pursuits. I only know this much, life is on repeat…LOL or perhaps a loop, and I think that is the way it is just is. I no longer fret when I’m back at a point I don’t want to be because history has taught me, I will move beyond and I will be fine and at times better for it.

    I love you xoxoxo
    PS – love the image x

    • linaji says:

      Lisa… My Darling you gave me the word ‘cave’ it is so appropriate to my life. That hibernating in cave thing. Utterly a must in a world like mine. Thank you for your intelligence and your heart that beats right along side mine daily. I so love you too.

      • Delia says:

        I am also lucky in that one of my "local art stours&qeot; is the massive Daniel Smith Art Supply. My other local art store is in the Artist & Craftsman small chain, which is entirely staffed with artists, and has very good prices, especially once you consider the cost of shipping.

  2. lucinda sisson says:

    How you revive me…remind me to keep the focus to the positive. It helps that you do have to cycle back and forth yourself from the dark to the light. Thank you. I MUST add…..I too was always chosen last for kickball. Part of that dark collective I must skirt. 🙂

    • linaji says:

      hehehe I knew it! (that kickball thing) Thank you so much for being here and feeling the flow go from me to you, it happens often when we connect. you always always make a smile appear in my inner most, love you dearest L. xxx

  3. Tori Yule says:

    I also know that the dark times are never permanent, even during the times I am in much pain. It never scares me, I know it’s just a matter of time before I can join the human race again. What I don’t get is that my family (extended) thinks that there is something really wrong with me. What I don’t get is why they need to worry about me, when I don’t worry about me. I know if I lived a hundred years ago, they would have committed me to an insane asylum. Being different is scary for them, and I believe they need more help dealing with it than I do. I am glad you are feeling better, I never had any doubts that you would. I will be in San Fransisco at the end of the month, if you are free I would love to have dinner one night. Call me 631-704-3649 631-261-4070. Love you, Lina. xxxx

    • linaji says:

      now that is simply wonderful news…. we shall and I will call… I have Mondays Saturday and Sunday off…!!

      Getting to your wonderful comment:
      I never had a big family but I do know this, when I stopped letting others know how I feel and for me put a happy face or a I am fine face knowing I did not want to feed the fire of ‘others beliefs’ I did find relief. Even my brother who is so cool and I love to the ends of the world I am learning does not like to hear my times of distress just because naturally he wants me to be well so he can feel good.
      For me too Tori it is about turning my attention to thoughts about me that give me some relief and when I am dealing with people sometimes I just look away and go do something else. I realized that I cannot change them but I can change the way I view them. And if I cannot view them in a light that says nice things, I stop thinking about them at all and do or find someone that is more up me ally. A friend or like I see you do already, come online to touch base with people that see your utterly beautiful light.
      I do this with every subject matter. Sometimes it feels like I will never just have a day when I don’t have to deal with thoughts that make me uncomfortable, but they do come now and often.
      Anyway, I cannot believe I get to meet you!!! yippieeeeeee!!!!!
      let me know a good time to call you.

  4. erich biemer says:

    and i just wrote a poem about melding with tao electrons….


    than you linaji,

  5. ozias says:

    Impressed by your texts and photographies on !

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