The mirror of my mind keeps on churning

It’s like a continual notation to self… what are you feeling? What are you thinking?
I’ve not uploaded in awhile as I am working on some ‘things’ that seems to be really getting me goat. I am excluding some not so helpful items from my diet and I struggle. So give me some time to experiment with ‘reality’ and ‘creating the reality I desire.’

In the mean time a few photos and a poem I wrote. Thanks for your patience, sometimes when I feel like I am on my way again connecting to all that I am becoming and have become… more shows up that does not feel so good. Sigh

When I listen to you I begin to feel. I picture us both walking on a sandy beach fresh from a coffee high. It’s a warm day now leading into balmy cool night and I have a smile on my face.
Side by side we walk, my head cocked toward your mouth where the story is being told and because I really don’t care (as in I hold no judgment about what is being said). My speaker feels and unpereceptively understands this fundamental space I hold, inviting harmony and hope thus creating a place as safe as the sunset we are experiencing together.

While the water sparkles from the waning sun, I feel my anticipation dance as you continue to speak, pausing the pace with a sly remark about your own release and how good it feels to ‘talk’. I look deep for the moment into your heart. I see a comfort that pleases my sense of purpose, of our purpose in the grandness of this thought: the more you know, the less you know.

I revel in the tale being told for it reminds me of a life or death march; knows where it is going and will not stop until the end is at hand. I almost hum ‘ah ha’s and the listening spirit of my flesh to yours feels enveloping and warm. My mind wants sometimes to break in… a habit here in my country, but the listening spirit wins out.

I want to be part of your process. I want to do some good and hold this place while listening as sacred stones did from the beginning; creating a circle for many wandering peoples, those band of nomads driven to walk toward unbearable unknowns ultimately finding their own evolution.
Oh the gifts I am awarded when I don’t care if I should ever speak again. I vibe like a cello low and deep at first and then, as the story escalates, so does the sound of my listening heart.

Our symphony takes on a real creative process and we are alike in mood and rhythm. My smile gets bigger as the shadows of the evening fall only to hide my glee.

Listening has become a process for me to bond with my beloved storyteller.
I am happiest listening; I carry the tune of the ages within.

Linaji 2011

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About linaji

I am having a good time with life now that I pay attention to how I feel. If I don't feel so good I look to what I am thinking and from there I change everything.
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14 Responses to The mirror of my mind keeps on churning

  1. Lisa says:

    Oh my love, I am speechless, so much beauty and truth….I want you to know that I don’t take you for granted and I love the way my words flow in my head to you, I think about you day in and day out…and as I must say, our Dearest Lianne is always there too…..you both are such a blessing to me. The images have filled a hole in me, I can’t quite explain it…sublime images and your ink is closely wrapped around me. You are such an inspiration.

    Lisa

    • linaji says:

      See right here I’ve read this several times and did not reply!! omg darling, I so love your presence and appreciate your every comment like gold. I am so happy I finished up today and that there is a feeling of resilience blanket and I know it has many threads of you in it. Thank you for being part of my journey and for listening to me and being so so kind. I love you much my love.
      xoxoxo

  2. shar says:

    “I carry the tune of the ages within”. Somehow, I have always felt that from you. Sending love. shar xoxooxoxxoxooxo

    • linaji says:

      Oh Shar… I love you were here!
      My goodness, how I missed this one, I feel this well of joy and love for your kindness and how you hold your view of me. I am honored and I feel so much love.
      I am back to having the ability to see what is written and answer. I did not feel this so much as you know from my recent blog. But it all comes down to ‘now’ and for that I feel like a new beginning happens so quickly if I let it.
      I love you Shar. xoxooxox

  3. erich biemer says:

    YES!!!
    i just did a poem called ‘losing the fiction’ and you are doing it …
    namaste,
    erich

  4. OMG – I need days to respond to this my darling – this is so incredible, so meaningful for me. You ARE a part of MY process – you always have been. This is just the most profoundly beautiful piece I think you’ve ever written, my love. I feel your heart listening and mine listens for yours too. Honestly…I think as Lisa does, that together we three are a perfect symphony. I don’t mean that to sound selfish…lol…but the connection is so real that words are not needed at all. Yet I shall cherish these as if they had been written just for me…as I know so many others will as well. Too perfect, my dearest. Have I said lately that I love you??? Lianne xoxox

    • linaji says:

      Goodness it has been a couple weeks of havoc in the body… I just had a breakthrough today and feel so damn happy. Happy I waited to write you back my dearest love and thank you ever so much for being here and sharing with me on this journey. Boy I had a real clonker on my back… and now finding out why, it is all to do with the mind…
      more later and NEED TO TALK… send me an sos if you are ready…
      love you.. no….LOVE YOU!

  5. liesbeth says:

    While reading it feels like my being slows down.. wished i could say i understand this feeling you write about so well..but too often ( still) i find myself wanting to share my view..my visions.. smiles.. but i’m learning to remain still more often.. 😉

    as for the part in the intro of more showing up that doesn’t feel so good..Your words made me think of a song by Lisa Gerrard.. I asked for love.. first lines are; I asked for peace my sins arose… ;
    hehe..how else could it be Lina.. we all hold stuff like this inside..and ego has such clever ways to use it.. smiles.. but even if ego doesn’t it has to surface to be looked at.. and then transform it.. and you do so well dear lady.. 😉 x

    • linaji says:

      OH DEAREST….
      I simply missed this with all that I am working and doing but can I say this… tonight when I worked my usual 12 straight hours… I felt good, I am learning much and it seems like you are a signpost that my day will end as perfect as it began.

      Thank you so very much Lisbeth, I always look forward to your musings and feelings and wisdom. I shall look for that song tonight and I shall continue to smile in my shower now that I’ve felt a touch of your kind love and light.

      I am just so pleased you are in my life.
      lina xoxox

  6. Tori Yule says:

    I loved this when I first read it, and I love it again. I’ve been working hard on listening and being listened to. I recently had a conversation with my mother, a very rare heart to heart. I’ve never felt she gets what I’m saying and she usually makes me feel my feelings aren’t quite right, that I have misunderstood or I don’t remember what has happened the way it did. It was a very hard conversation and I came away from it knowing she still didn’t understand. This was the first time I had asked for exactly what I needed from her. I think the way we communicate with people that are close to us are so ingrained that it very hard to change. Perhaps I should have spoke up sooner. I love the way you felt here, giving your friend so much room to speak, without giving advice, and loving the feeling of just listening. Great post, Lina, always writing about the truly important things.
    Loving you friend. xxx

  7. Jim says:

    Ah, Lina J/G. You know I have been thinking of you recently, twice in the last month you made a cameo in my dreams. I wondered what you were battling, as the inner spiral of a shell, a conch fights to know its own density, that point of the big bang when the universe curled in on itself and there was no space so it had no choice but to explode into creation. Who knows htf the physics of the thing worked, somehow the ‘arrow of time’ is a little incomplete since time moves in all directions like water. But you know, sometimes we get lost in ourselves, in the labyrinth of our crazy notions of consciousness and chemistry, but I have realized that its really ok to be lost. I have known deep deserts in my life, unfathomable ennui like the tired white blood cells of Rimbaud. But mostly, my attempts to kick out of it only damage things uneloquently, the holes in the wall are beyond poetizing. Yet here we are again, a new moment, a crossroads, and lfe should be a permanent crossroads, don’t you think?

    When I think of your whining bones, your whistling heart, I can’t help but want to invent new things, new ways to feel good, including feeling good about not feeling good. I think friends should always have this effect, to promote a new campfire, and while sometimes I am too surly to sing songs, I can be delighted by the warmth of the fire, that somehow I am part of it. So what am I saying? That you are part of it, that slivered diamond that reached out from the core into this discrete wordpess moment? Or that I am part of it, that I shall feel and confess this poetic nonsense and be humbled by it? We are part of it, who the hell cares and what harm does it do? LOL… none!

    Please tag my new blog, I am starting to return to the classical tongue, to find myself in the yawning echo of time, because we have modern things to say, and we should say it in a nonmodern way, sometimes anyway. :)) xxoo

    Here it is: {if you feel inclined tell a few old rb ex-pats}
    http://ifnotbyrose.wordpress.com/

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