In a Moments Notice

to gain an understanding for this blog, please start at the first entry January 19th 2011

Yesterday was writers class; we bond with our soulful vibes exposed nerves and we support each other best we can. However there are moments, split second thoughts that occur which for me feels like what I submitted to the class below. It helped to write it out but I must admit I was a bit off the rest of the day. Sleep cures so much for me…hehehe

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ A Moments Notice ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I am reminded today as I began writing this piece on how lost I can get within seconds of thinking thoughts that don’t feel good.

I can almost hear a whimper in my heart and feel the shut down of my spirit. It is as if I’ve done this so many times past and now when those thoughts do come sporadic at best (thank god), I seem able to stand beside myself and watch as observer. Here I feel and see parts of me that are sea salt rusted going through the motions of taking in and allowing what is ‘out there’ personally and then;

Starting with step one…
Become quiet

Step two is to wait for step three… a gross effect of internal anger
at a simmer, showing up with old excuses that feel like
‘life is not fair and no one in my life shall ever know me ever!’ Or that “none shall love me the way I need to be loved’.

It feels like I am caving in from all this want.

Now… I take care of this situation with small parts of my lips finding the edges turning upward, (a smile appears ever so slight), I am looking at a small child struggling on the floor in my warm kitchen where I am baking cookies. This child wants very much the cookies just out of the oven but I’ve said “no, not yet” And so this child thinks I don’t care that I could not possibly understand it’s needs then heaving tears all so beguilingly self induced; attracting misery ripe followed by a wave that opens up that terrifying black hole below or around the solar plexus which seems to scream utter alone’ness’.

Oh but I do know these feelings, and like a child that runs out of what was once a moments need… One can distract the innocent heart with something else to focus on. The innards let go of mind chatter and story, focusing on a new feeling at hand. It is then I feel both of us finding relief. I feel the upturned lips smile while our hands connect. I feel a return to the pleasant fact that I am not without love, I am not abandoned nor forgotten. That moment is now past.

I’ve a bank account now, a savings stored up rich with a knowing of ‘well being’, I need not worry as the padding of my nature has thick skin made up with successful experiences that allowing has revealed.

I realize it is not others I need to allow for, but how I think others ‘should’ be.

I am a soother of my own childish nature. I love her when she stops crying and runs to my arms unafraid.

Linaji 2011


About linaji

I am having a good time with life now that I pay attention to how I feel. If I don't feel so good I look to what I am thinking and from there I change everything.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to In a Moments Notice

  1. RJ Heller says:

    Great to follow your thoughts…..R

    • linaji says:

      HI RJ…
      yes you have a wonderful website and I appreciate your visit to my blog!!
      Been so busy I can barely keep the blog going.. that is good news! ha!

  2. My darling – I have no words to tell you how deeply I share this “moment” today and what a miracle this entire day is. All I can say is that I’m so blessed to share this journey with you and have you as my “mentor.” Oh wise and loving one…you have my heart! xox

  3. linaji says:

    And for me, I cannot tell you how much your enthusiasm make me feel!! I loved my bmail and that fact that you are feeling your day with such joy. You are joy and I am forever amazed at this process in allowing what we want. We are so practiced at what we do not want!! teheheheh xoxoxoxooxox

  4. Lisa says:

    the way you accept and love your inner child is the way I do too, I relate to this so strongly my love. You are a blessing of truth.


  5. Jim says:

    Nicely expressed Linaji. You are a pioneer in the field of inner child work because you have the humility to be with what is going on and to let the grace of the adult come in to give gentle guidance. The Taoists say that absolute yang invokes the yin and vice versa and that to be “healthy” (strange concept) we need to know these extremes in our being, else its a sort of muddy mudpie of comprimise and half-truths.

    You know the point where the higher wisdom takes over because you let the guts of your experience proceed through allowing. And then from allowing, Allowing steps in which is not the same as “anything goes” but has the exact binary code for your prison lock. All or most of what you write shows me these precise moments in your inner life, and though sometimes you may doubt your writing/language ability, I think you have something in your void-to-page that many “talented” writers do not.

    • linaji says:

      Ahhh Jim, I’ve a bit of time this weekend to do what you asked regarding how much your work and your ideas bring me an abundance of LIFE. Your journey feels wonderful here and now and your knowledge in your practice is always so spot on. I appreciate you Jim and that we can bounce off, on and through each other whenever we desire is testimony enough in my world that you are of my Soul Family. There is always such a giving in you that becomes as you do, more fluid and fun.
      Sending you a kakakakaaaaaaa….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s