Growth Takes Place amidst The Old Parameters

to gain an understanding for this blog, please start at the first entry January 19th 2011

These days feel so different. Even when I was first experiencing a breakthrough in my depression I did not feel compelled to go outside. Today is a day full of walking weather and interesting work for myself. I have a job to complete that involves my photography and photoshop skills and I am confident as I proceed that my work will be perceived as profession and original.

Back then I began my rebirth and the first step I took was more rather a crawl. I began crawling towards a day like today. What I remember most is amidst all that had happened all that befell me, a feeling of joy and hope emerged and I felt GOOD! I became aware once again of the prime directive as I had learned it in my teachings on the Law of Attraction, (LOA) that there was nothing more important in life than that I feel good.

In my blog recently I got a message from a dear friend who related her feelings about the Law of Attraction, she said she could not get around how it seemed that all’s she ever heard in relation to these teachings was how one could become very rich, and have all they ever wanted. “Have to be honest Linaji, the Law of Attraction as it has been shown to me has never felt right to me; mostly focused on how to gain material things ie: huge houses, big cars, best payed jobs.”
First off I want all those things she mentioned, I want bunches of money so I can travel with my art and my camera, so I can be the change I want to see in the world. I’ve plans for my money and it does not involve lots of houses, however I don’t begrudge anyone who wants that.

I too started out with this work (LOA) thinking that I would get out of this mess I was slipping into via financial insecurity and also thought I would find out who I really was in the world, that I was not doomed to be a worker in the hospitality industry for the rest of my life. I wanted answers on how I was feeling about me which wasn’t all that good as the recent developments of depression seemed to support that belief.

What I came to embrace and understand through these teachings was so much more than I ever dreamed of getting. Even with all the physical ailments that were about to manifest directly into my daily life of ‘What Is’ and with what little I understood back in those days about this practice, I soldiered through. I felt I carried a banner across my heart that would remind me constantly; nothing was more important than that I feel good, nothing..
And with this simple thought which came from a simple question I had been asked early on in this practice, I felt at ease most of the time and never fell back into that black hole of depression that had consumed me for months.

The Question that racked my brain every-time was: What do you think Linaji, when you have/attain the cars, houses, money, travel, boyfriend, husband, education, job, lime liight, and HEALTH… what do you think you will have when you get them?”… “You think you will feel GOOD… BETTER, WONDERFUL in the having of them.”

We think that in the having of these things we can go from where we are right now to some new place that will serve to give us what we want, to feel better. Our belief says “when I get these things, then I will feel good”. Nothing wrong in a strong desire for feeling better. But to go about it from the ‘outside’ in has been unsuccessful for me. When I got to the thing I thought would make me feel better, along came that dominate belief that this too was not enough. It happened in most if not all of my relationships. I would think that I was missing a partner, a lover, a person in my life who would help make my life better and when I got that special relationship, this too was never enough.

What became more clear to me, especially when I started to feel ill is that in order to gain the health I desired I was required to find a way out of my daily thinking patterns that reinforced my illness. I became aware of my conversations with others and how I was talking to myself. When speaking to friends I began to lighten up on conversations that focused on illness. In my art community I would write poems and articles on feeling good and purposely feel the joy in the writing of them. I would revel in the moments that felt terrific. I became more fluid and gentle in my ‘self talk’ and thought/acted ‘as if’ all was well. This took some doing, but I was persistent.

I also began to look deeply into the concept that there was ‘no death’. This became a passion with me because frankly a big part of me still felt that I was not much long for this world. Oh my goodness, how we find ways to hold onto fear that we are powerless over our lives. However, day by day and week by week, month after month there was persistence in my nature. I felt there was a determined spirit that called me forth towards my desired state of living; I wanted health above all else and well being, I wanted to Feel Good.

Listening and reading up on this concept and many others presented to me through my deep studies, brought me many more new ways of letting go this old way of living. New ways of letting go! I could be so stuck in my old parameters. I came to find that being in touch with how I was feeling was the only way I could begin to feel better. I started to really ‘get’ that there is only two ways of feeling, either I felt good or I didn’t. When I was not feeling good, I would ask myself what I was thinking. Doing this enough times there came clarity as to how I was feeling was directly linked to what I was thinking. What a revelation! Relief was just one thought away!


About linaji

I am having a good time with life now that I pay attention to how I feel. If I don't feel so good I look to what I am thinking and from there I change everything.
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6 Responses to Growth Takes Place amidst The Old Parameters

  1. Darling Lina –
    Like your other friend, my early introduction to the Law of Attraction was through “the Secret” which honestly does focus too much on material things. And then there was the idea of simply “thinking” clearly about what you want and the universe would just give it to you. I’ve nothing at all against positive thinking, visualization, focused desire in hopes of “manifesting” the abundance present in the universe, of course. But I think we’ve both learned that it’s much deeper than that. One cannot just sit back and daydream one’s way into “feeling good” or abundance. One must take action based on faith that what you desire for your life is already there but we must be open to it. For myself, I’m guilty of sending out “mixed signals” and so often find myself in a state of inertia instead of stepping out and acting on the belief that all is well, all is as it should be. As for feeling good – like you, I’ve discovered that that is an internal thing. If one is right, at peace with oneself, the externals seem to fall into place. I know I’ve a long way to go but an eternity to get it “right.” And you, dear heart, are an inspiration to so many in the art of letting go of old mindsets, old patterns of thought, even old behaviors that have so often hidden that truth from ourselves. xox

    • linaji says:

      Now your talking… look my two girls with long paragraphs for comments.. .sigh.. How in love with our trio I am. All of us on a road less traveled and yet all approaching from one familiar place, the heart.
      I was so happy the other day Lianne, when I caught myself doing what I used to do all in my past potholes, and that is saying “I know best, lade dada”…. But you do.
      I am truly finding that I only need put my story out there for the likes of how it makes me feel and for this recent part of the journey, it feels wonderful. I do however revel in your successes and the feelings you bring up of seeing/feeling how far you and yes me have come.
      I remind myself about that ‘eternity’ stuff and when I cannot quite grasp that, I also remember part of this practice is to understand the benefits of contrast, how our expanding desire born from what we ‘don’t whant’ is part of the ever expanding Universe, so in essence TRULY, “It’s ALL Good.” like no matter what, what is going on only benefits the All that Is… and letting go my need to think I can tell you what is best for you is what brings me peace, and trusting that you know best for you.
      Ahhhh I truly love the feeling of trusting those I love. And I sure do love you.
      Thank you for posting here and I’ve a subscribe button I finally created, I thought I had one!! But I did not… see only till one day when someone said…
      once again, “Hey don’t you have a subscription button” did I sign out and see, that if I am not in as admin, there indeed is none!! wow….
      So I went and done did it!!
      Sending you much Love this A.M. tis almost 6 now..

  2. Lisa says:

    My Darling,

    You know me, I’m the great atheist sceptic…with the soul of a romantic a complete contradiction. I often feel as though I’ve a strong mind but it is thinking mind which is often directly linked to my heart. I can intellectualise until the cows come home, it does not make a spot of difference some of the time. It is as though time does have to pass and new light has to be born for a new perspective or at times things just disappear into the ether. I’m a bunch of worry with myself and for others I’m the voice of slow and steady, the voice of heart and reason, I am typically one that is good at helping others and not so much myself. I’m a good day bad day type of gal. You always give me something to think about. I too would like to be rich but certainly not for houses or material things, I’ve never had much interest in those things. I’m an eclectic person that does not own one piece of furniture that goes traditionally together but somehow I’ve made them all fit into my creative world. I want true love. I keep telling myself that I’ve got that with family and friends yet I’m so conditioned in the romantic love that there is a constant blue ache in me.

    I love you xoxoxox

    • linaji says:

      What I like is… the length of this comment, now can you see my needy greedy self? tehhehehe.
      Like I said to Lianne above, Oh how lovely to see you both here, stating the feelings you have around your choices.
      See Lisa, the only thing that differs with us is I found out I can change my life by the way I talk to others and to myself about who I am. I no longer say stuff like ‘this is the way I am and will always be’ or ‘I’m just like that’. I don’t say that if what I am offering produces the pain I hold onto. If by saying I am a worrier and worring only brings me pain than I will make it my job to say, hummm maybe I can soften that word and say I care for others deeply and I am finding ways to let go and trust them more because there is me I like to consider and I like feeling good.

      If I like the pain well, indeed I shall hold onto it. My new doc says I am lucky and the reason I am healing so quick is I do not worry. He says it is the worry in the mind that causes so much illness in the body.
      Stress whatever you want to call it…
      Anyway when I started to see a difference in my life and saw results from mind you; MINIMAL EFFORT I jumped on the band wagon calling itself the Law of Attraction…. the only effort here that requires ‘discipline’ as it were is becoming conscious of how I am thinking/talking and reinforcing what no longer serves me.
      But Like I said to Lianne above, I no longer have to know or tell you what is best for you, you do. Trusting that truth has made all the difference in how I sleep at night and allow for a wide open space of love concerning what you or anyone I care for chooses. I say to the world of Lina…”It is damn perfect for you” and so it is then I let go.

      I see nothing disturbing about loving romantic love, however when I am faced with it, like my body stuff of all my life, there is fargen work to be done to let go what has never eva worked…
      LOVES YA.

  3. Tori says:

    My experiences mirror yours, except I am not physically sick. I have never felt good, and even if I am, I know it wont last. For my entire life, my thoughts have been that I am not good enough, my feelings are wrong , I am too sensitive, my memories and realities are off. Living with depression and anxiety is hell. Your story inspires me, because like you, I have have tried everything to feel better, and that you have found a way gives me hope. Thank you for writing this here, and inviting me to read it. You have given me hope, Lina. I want to thank you for all the support you have given me, and the thoughtful words you write about my art. Some of the things that you have said have made a big difference in my life, and have stuck with me. You mean so much to me, Lina, more than you could ever know. I can tell that writing this blog is healing for you, and I’m glad am a part of this, if just to read the things that you are learning. Loving you so much.

    • linaji says:

      Whoosh Tori,
      This has been an incredible week for finding out more of what’s ahead and feeling so much appreciation for comments like yours.
      I can feel your desire for feeling good. That is what we all want, just to have more time in the day that feels like all is well.
      I’ve a good feeling you will find all you desire in this area as so much of what you want is only one next best thought away.
      To be part of your hope and your feeling that you are not done finding ways to allow for all you desire makes me feel like I have been lead here to just put out the story that so many feel.

      I am always here for you Tori. I take your connecting when ever you feel like you want to, a sure sign that I will always be available for you when you feel the notion it would be nice to connect with me.
      I was pretty stuck for a long time. In this blog I did not go into the ‘most of my life story’ cause frankly I can’t bear to tell it one more time. Not out of pain, but out of choice that it feels better to just go back a few years where it still feels like part of NOW.. all of what I did, had, experienced has lead me straight up to this moment where all things are possible.

      Care for you much Tori and I am always viben a way to connect with others that are ready to connect.
      Much Love and understanding, and then more love.
      Your friend,

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