Each day seemed more hopeless than the last. However there was one minute in my day, right when I woke up that got me going. For some reason I remembered a practice I had read about when experiencing my new found understanding of the LOA. In the morning right as I opened my eyes I would smile and think “today could very well be the day that I find myself”. I would feel as if I had a warm blanket of love wrapped around me and that ‘all was well’ I smiled and felt so good. Then, I would get out of bed avoid the shower, go sit on the couch and watch T.V. all day zoning out life and hope.
I was running out of time as my credit cards would all but be maxed out soon and I needed to work. I knew I had to get ‘out’ there and find a way to generate money so I could continue living here in this gated community of Half Moon Bay, but I just could not do it. I could not conjure any feelings toward going out the door. I wanted to die! I had never abused credit in my life, infact I always prided myself on never being late with a payment… ever. I was in deep denial and believed I could pay them back and that I could see my way out of this mess.
Just as much as my whole day was packed with what I did not want, In the morning without fail I continued to practice my smile and hope that TODAY, COULD BE THE DAY…. that I find myself. I liken it to feeling slathered with warmth and love. This never lasted for more than 2 minuets I am sure. However the real feelings of kindness and joy I got from those two minuets were intense; and I believe this powerful work is what got me to the morning that the Bell of Love rang ever so slightly and I indeed listened.