Taking the first step toward healing sometimes starts with experiencing so much of what we don’t want.
2010 was a year of experiencing denial and building up skills that made it easier to go though so much inaction concerning my dis-ease.
I aquired this condition by the time I was 28. I am now 54. I was unaware of having Hep C till I went to a doctor in ’99 who took my blood in a normal check up and then told me I had it. I did not think much about it although I knew I would do some research. I did not like what I found. Interferon treatments where the only known cure and that was not guaranteed. I just chose to ignore it. I was lucky that by the time 1999 came round I quit drinking alcohol, however coffee and sugar where my constant companions.
I’ve come to that point in the road when my body is saying; “look at me, pay attention to me, you really need to find a way to be part of my pain, stop and feel me, I need you to care.” Still I thought it was anything but HepC. I thought it was sugar and flour and being 90 lbs over weight. It was and is these things true, but I simply did not acknowledge the illness itself until almost one month ago. I had just returned from a trip to Kauai to see my brother and his wonderful family. Upon my return I remembered strongly that I had this thing and perhaps that is why all year long I had been sleeping from 2pm to the next morning round 6, not good sleep but sleep that felt like I was passing in and out of consciousness. I had no vitality, however I had some moments of feeling free and energized so a bit of hope came though and I would think I was on the mend.